


Founding Fathers Council: A Hamfic

by StoryRodeo_333



Series: The Founding Fathers Council Series [1]
Category: Hamilton - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Historical Inaccuracy, Like, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, Multi, Orgy, Past Child Abuse, its a wild ride all the way through, not even trying to make this accurate, seriously, this is the kind of stuff i contribute to the fandom, this is what i spend my time making, this will be the best fic youve ever read, you wont be sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 19:16:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 10,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5755042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoryRodeo_333/pseuds/StoryRodeo_333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm not even gonna give it away. You have to read it to find out. You wont be sorry. I mean, you might be sorry, but I'm not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [L'École de Lafayette](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5655319) by [GwendolynGrace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GwendolynGrace/pseuds/GwendolynGrace). 



They dismounted their horses and led them to the stables. It was almost sunset and they had been riding all day. John Laurens was immensely relieved to be back at the camp. He had been out scouting along with Alexander, Lafayette, and Hercules, their group led by Washington himself. John rushed to their tent before everyone else, desperate for a few moments of peace. He needed to think.  
He sat heavily on his cot and tried to make some sense of the day. The reason for his confusion was not something he could place easily. It was more of a vibe that he had picked up off of the others while they were out scouting. Throughout the day, every now and again, John would get the feeling that the four of them shared something that he was not a part of, perhaps an inside joke or something. That wouldn’t necessarily bother him any other time, but when he asked about it, they acted like they didn’t know what he was talking about, which was frustrating.  
Again, he would usually just brush it off, but then, around noon, the plot thickened. They were all laughing and joking like normal, when Hercules, who was trying to get Washington’s attention, called him Daddy, before cutting himself off and correcting himself. Everyone went silent and stared at him before making an awkward joke out of it. But that wasn’t the end of it! After that, they all made the mistake of calling Washington “Daddy” at least once throughout the day before stopping themselves and correcting the mistake.  
But what John was wondering at this point was…was it a mistake? What exactly was going on here? As he sat there thinking about this, he seemed to remember other instances where they made that “mistake”. If it was one time, it was a mistake, but after this many instances, it was a thing of habit that they were trying to hide from the public eye. John wasn’t an idiot. He knew how to read people, and his friends were hiding something. He just didn’t know what yet.  
He decided to ask Alex about it later; Alex never brushed him off, John knew he’d tell him what was going on.  
Just then, the flap of the tent burst open and Hercules, Lafayette, and Alex came in, talking loudly. He would get to the bottom of this, some day.


	2. Chapter 2

Well, it just so happened that John’s curiosity didn’t need to fester for too long. He got his answer one evening by complete accident. He was walking around camp, bored, looking for Alex to see if he wanted to take a break and take a walk with him in the nearby forest. But he couldn’t seem to find any of his friends.   
He was starting to wonder if something happened to them when he passed by Washington’s tent and heard quiet laughter coming from inside. He stopped and backed up, putting an ear to the canvas. He heard lots of rustling and other suspicious sounds. He narrowed his eyes and made his decision. He took the flap of the tent and whipped it open, stepping inside.   
But when he looked up, he came to a stop, his eyes widening and his jaw dropping open in utter shock. What he saw before him was a tangle of naked bodies, all knotted together. He couldn’t tell where one of them ended and another began. But these weren’t any ol’ naked bodies. No, these were bodies that he recognized. He picked out Lafayette, Alex, Herc, was that…Burr?! And…And…Eliza? He hadn’t realized she was even away from home. But that wasn’t where it ended! He saw…he saw James Madison in that mess! And… Angelica Schuyler?! And…was that who he thought it was? He squinted and sure enough it was……….King George. Freaking King George.   
As John’s eyes made their way through the knot of limbs, picking out faces of people he knew, he thought nothing could shock him anymore than he had already been shocked, but his eyes found the center of the mess…. And was shocked even more.   
There was none other than Washington himself, staring back at him, his expression matching his own. Everyone was looking at him with the same expression, all having frozen in surprise.   
John didn’t know what to think, or feel, or, or, anything! What the hell was going on here?! Before his stomach had the chance to find a new home in his shoes, he stumbled backwards out of the tent, tripping over his own feet in his haste. The last thing he saw before turning tail and running was Alex, untangling himself and reaching for his breeches.


	3. Chapter 3

John burst through the flaps of his tent, somehow managing to find his way through the camp despite the jumbled haze that was his thoughts. As he slumped into his cot, he hid his face in his hands. His hands were still cold from being outside, and were a welcome comfort to his burning face and neck. Though, all too soon, his hands caught up with the rest of his body and began heating up and sweating. Before he could even form a coherent thought around what his eyes just saw, the flaps of the tent burst open and Alex stumbled in, buttoning up the front of his breeches and pulling the suspenders over his shoulders.   
“I can explain everything!” he said, holding out his hands so John wouldn’t try to run. (He honestly didn’t think he could; his stomach felt like it would try to escape if he even stood up.)  
John looked at Alex waiting for an explanation, unable to think of anything that would possibly come close to explaining what he just saw.   
“Okay listen, please don’t run and please don’t tell anyone,” Alex urged. “I swear I’ll explain everything to you. You see, everyone that you saw in that room is kind of like…we’re kind of like a harem. And Washington would be our… Sultan. In a way. Except that we aren’t married to him and we have the same freedoms as anyone else…and he pays for things if we ever need money…and he pimps us out sometimes if he gets someone who pays enough…”  
Alex wrung his hands together, looking anywhere but at John, as if he was just realizing how ridiculous he was sounding.   
John’s mind was racing. It was all beginning to make sense. The secrets, calling Washington “Daddy”, the unusual amount of physical affection between Alex and Lafayette, (John assumed it was a French thing, but he was clearly wrong), the nights where one of them would be missing for a night with no explanation… Somewhere, at some point, he had heard of something like this, and the name for it was on the tip of his tongue…  
“A Sugar Daddy?” he said. “Washington is your Sugar Daddy?”  
“Yes!” Alex pointed, nodding. “That’s it! Well, we call him our Pimp, but yes, that’s right too.”  
John stared at Alex for a long while, the silence stretching between them.   
“You’re not going to tell anyone, right?” said Alex. “Please don’t tell anyone, okay? I’ll do anything.”  
John huffed and looked away. “I know you will, Alex,” he said, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.   
“So? What do you want to do?” asked Alex.   
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean, like, what’s the plan Stan?” Alex pointed nervous finger guns at him.   
“Um…” John chuckled at Alex’s attempt to lighten the situation. “Well, I won’t talk. I promise. But… I’m kind of hurt that you guys were keeping something like this from me…”  
A look of shock crossed over Alex’s face before quickly melting into exaggerated concern. He slapped a hand over his heart and approached John.  
“Oh John! I am so sorry! You know that I wanted you to be a part of it, but Daddy thought you were too young! What can I do to make it up to you?” He grabbed John’s face and tried to kiss him apologetically. John laughed and tried halfheartedly to pull away. Even though the fact that Lafayette was indeed younger than all of them, and that Alex was the same age as him, John knew there was no point in bringing that up. None of this made any sense anyway.   
Alex managed to get a couple of kisses to his face before John said, “Hmm…Whatever shall you do to make it up to me? Why don’t you make it up to me back in that tent?”  
“That sounds like a marvelous idea,” said Alex, smiling.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, everyone in the tent had woken up late and drowsy. Madison was gone, but everyone else was just waking up. Alex and Lafayette took John and left the tent to go find something for breakfast. But not really, because there were cooks who were making breakfast. They just wanted an excuse to take a walk through the woods together.   
Once they were sure they were alone, John turned around to face them, walking backwards with a noticeable bounce in his step.  
“So how did all of this start?” he asked. He tripped on a branch and almost fell, but Lafayette reached out to grab him and right him. He walked forward after that.   
“I sink ‘e was doing zis before I came ‘ere, yes?” said Lafayette, looking to Alex for confirmation.   
“Yes, he was. I think he was doing this before any of us knew him,” Alex said. “I only got involved after Angelica asked me to. It happened quite the same way it happened with you. I walked in on something I wasn’t supposed to see, and Angelica was involved. She explained it all to me and then I joined. And then later, we decided to invite Eliza, thinking it was only fair to her.”  
John nodded and then looked to Lafayette. “And what about you? How did you join?”  
“I figured it out myself and zen asked why I wasn’t invited ze moment I arrived,” he said, smiling like the answer was obvious. Alex shrugged and nodded, agreeing with him.   
“So, does this have anything to do with why you all accidentally called Washington ‘Daddy’?” John asked.   
“Yeah, that’s what he has us all call him,” said Alex.   
“Okay, and what about Martha?” asked John, just now remembering that Washington had a wife. “Does she know about all of this?”  
“If Washington is our boss, she’s the boss above him. So, we call Washington ‘Daddy’, and we call Martha ‘Big Daddy’. We don’t really know a whole lot about what she does, but she’s apparently a pretty big deal. But as far as the public is concerned, Washington is ‘His Excellency’, General Washington,” Alex explained. John nodded in understanding.   
“Okay. That makes sense, although, I saw some people in that tent last night that I was not expecting,” said John, thinking of King George.  
“You’re thinking of King George, aren’t you,” said Alex. “Yeah, he was an unexpected addition to the group.”


	5. Chapter 5

King George certainly was an unexpected addition to the group, to himself as well. It was not intentional. But when his exchanged letters with George Washington became personal, he was called to a meeting across the sea. He didn’t want to comply, but then he got a letter from Martha, and he knew he had to go.   
Of course he knew who Martha was. She was an extremely important figure in the pimp community. She was on the Founding Fathers Council (FFC). King George had been trying to get on that Council for years. But Martha had stopped him at every turn.   
It only made sense that she be the wife of King George’s arch nemesis.   
The FFC was a secret global council led by the Pimp Empress, Kara the Great. The council met annually. King George wanted nothing more in life than to be a part of that council, but alas, one needed to be invited in order to join, so he waited for his opportunity.   
But now, King George feared that he has forever lost his chance. He had finally offended the wrong person and got on Martha’s bad side. She would never let him join now.   
And he loathed the idea of having to go to her, but he knew he had to comply. Perhaps he still could fix this…  
After a month, he arrived on the shores of the new land. He was met at the docks by Martha’s men and escorted directly to her office. He remembered her office like it was yesterday. It was huge, and George Washington was there, sitting next to her, beside her desk. He glared at King George as he stepped inside and took a seat.   
“You should not have offended my husband,” Martha had said.   
“Is there anything I can do to show my regret and apology?” King George asked, playing the part of a humble servant.   
Martha had shrugged and looked at Washington. “How ‘bout it, babe?”  
The silence filled the room. King George began to nervously fidget.   
“I suppose there is one thing…” said Washington. 

A month had passed since then, and King George had not gone home. He was now one of Washington’s hoes.   
Life as a ho wasn’t too bad, King George thought. The life was just as lavish as his life back home. (not really, but it was kind of a welcome change). Not only was it a comfortable life void of responsibility, he was making new friends that would have never entered his life if he had not been here. For example, Lafayette, the Frenchman that King George knew from before, was a delightful young man who King George shared a lot in common with. King George didn’t get along with Angelica at first, but after their daily battles of wit, they had eventually come to an alliance that a wonderful friendship bloomed from.   
But as nice as all of that was, King George still wanted more. He didn’t want to be a ho. He wasn’t satisfied as a ho. He wanted Washington’s job.   
So, with this in mind, he had been planning on running away and becoming a Sugar Daddy himself. And today was the day to do it. It was sunny outside, not too cold, and there was just a light breeze. Washington didn’t need him there. He would be replaced by that boy from last night who had walked in on them. What was his name? Laurens? Yes, that was it.   
Anyway, King George took an overcoat and left that morning, ready to face the day. He went off into the city in search of some hoes. Around midday, he found himself on the campus of King’s College. He looked around, his eyes peeled, but didn’t see anyone who looked worthy. Then, he saw them. The person who would be his first ho: Samuel Seabury.   
King George knew about the boy from Hamilton’s impassioned rant one day. They had gotten in a fight once while Hamilton was still at the school. King George didn’t think anything of it at the time, because Hamilton got in fights with everyone.   
“Excuse me sir!” King George approached the young man. “Are you Samuel Seabury?”


	6. Chapter 6

It was a week after King George met Samuel. Things had went well the first day. King George became a Sugar Daddy, and Samuel was his first ho. But as the days went on, King George didn’t know how much longer he could go.   
Samuel was more irritating than anyone King George had ever met. And he had met some pretty irritating people. It wasn’t that he was rude in any way, or disagreed with King George on anything, it was simply the fact that he was clingy and only wanted to talk about the farmers or peace or some shit. King George didn’t know. All he knew was that he needed to get out of there, and fast. If he had to go one more night listening to nothing but Sam talk about those damn farmers, he would go mad!   
So he snuck out that night and travelled all the way back to Washington’s camp. He went to Washington’s tent and found everyone there. They had been worrying about him. He was so touched by that, that he decided right then and there to never run away again. This was his life now and he was more than okay with it.


	7. Chapter 7

After the war, the gang was back at Washington’s estate. It was lovely there. They had a ton of land, of course, because Martha was probably crazy rich.   
John wanted to know more about this FFC thing, but no one seemed to know a whole lot about it except for King George. But King George was hard to talk to.  
But all that was the last thing on John’s mind at the moment. There was a lake on the Washington property and it was beautiful, especially on a day as lovely as this. The sun was shining, making the water sparkle. John was lounging in the grass beside Alex and Lafayette, watching Eliza, Angelica, Hercules, Burr, and King George laughing and splashing in the clear water. There was a rock along the side of the lake, which John, Lafayette and Alex had already pushed each other off of into the water earlier.   
“What a beautiful day,” said Eliza, falling to the grass beside Alex. “Are you guys looking forward to the dinner tonight?”   
Oh yeah…John had nearly forgotten about the dinner that evening. Washington was hosting a dinner as a welcome for Thomas Jefferson’s arrival. He had been off in France for so long and he was finally coming back home. John had never met the guy, but from the stories he’s heard, he wasn’t sure he wanted to meet him. Either way, he was going to meet him that night, and he couldn’t say he wasn’t curious.


	8. Chapter 8

It was almost time for dinner and John couldn’t find his overcoat. He needed to be downstairs in the dining room, but he just couldn’t find his dang coat anywhere! He was futilely looking into the darkness under the bed when he heard Alexander’s voice behind him.   
“Looking for this?” he said. John stood up and smirked. He turned around to find Alex standing there holding his coat by the collar. John sauntered up to him and snatched his coat away from him. He slipped it on then pressed his lips to Alex’s.   
“Ready?” Alex asked, offering his arm to John.  
“Let’s go,” said John, taking his arm.   
When they entered the dining room, everyone was already there, chatting amongst each other. They took their seats by Lafayette and Mulligan. John looked around the table for an unfamiliar face, but didn’t find one.   
“We are still waiting for our guest, but he should arrive at any moment,” said Washington, answering John’s unspoken question.   
Just then, the doors of the dining room burst open. John looked up, hoping to see the mysterious Jefferson, but his excitement fell short when he laid eyes on Martha Washington. She wore a bonnet that framed her stern face.   
“I thought it was gonna be Jefferson,” Mulligan said under his breath. John huffed a laugh.   
“Nah, if it was Jefferson, there would have been glitter or sparklers or some shit,” whispered Alex, bitterly.   
Beside him, Lafayette snorted and laughed. “Maybe even some fireworks,” he said, trying to contain his laughter.   
Just as Martha took a seat next to her husband, the doors burst open once again, and sure enough, glitter flew off of the tops of the doors in a sparkly rain. Maids carrying sparklers entered and lined the entrance to the room. A tall, dashing man in a purple suit strode in with a cane, looking every bit as if he could buy and sell everyone at the table. John thought briefly that he looked remarkably like Lafayette.   
“How’re ya’ll doin? What’d I miss?” Jefferson announced, spreading his arms.   
“What did I say,” Alex grumbled. “Fucking sparklers. Tacky. As. Shit.”   
“Ah!” Washington stood up with open arms. The maids all filed out of the room, their sparklers dying out. “Mr. Jefferson! Welcome home!”  
“Eyy! Mr. President!” Jefferson strode over to Washington and hugged him. He put a heavy hand on Martha’s shoulder. She didn’t react, only stared ahead with a stern look. “Martha honey, you are as lovely as a summer afternoon. You haven’t aged a day, have you?”  
“Please take a seat, Mr. Jefferson,” said Washington. “Anywhere you like.”  
“Thanks man-“ Jefferson stopped on his way around the table and met eyes with Lafayette. He pulled his head back and furrowed his eyebrows, pointing at him. “Lafayette? Is that you?!”  
“Oui, mon ami,” Lafayette smiled and stood up, bowing his head slightly mockingly. “You are not mistaken.”  
Jefferson stared at him with an odd look on his face. “But I thought I left you in France.”  
“Non…”  
“No, I know I left you in France,” Jefferson interrupted. “I just saw you when I left France. How can you be here?”  
Lafayette closed his mouth and shrugged. Jefferson moved his finger, which he had not dropped yet, away from Lafayette, over to Alexander. His eyes widened.  
“Well, I’ll be damned,” he said. “The last time I saw you, we got in a fist fight over cannoli versus pie. How have you been? I see your nose is still intact so I guess you’ve had it pretty good since then.”   
“Good to see you too, sir,” Alex snarked. His arms were crossed and he was glaring at him over the table.   
Jefferson’s finger continued past Alex and stopped at last on James Madison. His face split into a huge smile.   
“Well I’ll be damned!” he said, a lot more cheerful than before. “Madison! My man!”  
He walked around the table to Madison. Madison looked like he would rather the attention be anywhere else. But when Jefferson approached him with open arms and a huge smile, Madison had little choice but to stand and return the greeting. As Jefferson approached, he lifted his cane high in one hand, pointed the finger of his other hand in the air and shimmied his shoulders, saying, “AYYYEE!!!” He hugged Madison, lifting him up off of the ground a bit.   
When they broke apart, Madison looked as if he could die of embarrassment, which made it very difficult for John to stop himself from laughing. Jefferson slapped Madison on the back affectionately, smiling from ear to ear.   
“Man, how have you been?” he asked.   
“I have been well…”  
“Tell me everything, man. I gotta know all the deets,” said Jefferson, sitting in the seat next to Madison.


	9. Chapter 9

It was halfway through the dinner and John could not get enough of Jefferson. Man, that guy was entertaining. Listening to his stories from France, Lafayette interjecting every now and then, was better than any play John had ever seen.   
Of course, he had to pointedly ignore Alexander beside him, who could not stop glaring at Jefferson down the table. John lightly slapped his arm and said, “Oh, lighten up!”  
“I’ll lighten up when he sticks that stupid cane up his-“  
The table erupted with laughter over something Jefferson had said. John chuckled with them. Alex glared at him with a betrayed look on his face.   
“Ham, are you…are you jealous?” John asked incredulously.   
“No!” Alex exclaimed. He placed a hand over his heart. “How could you even say that?”  
John put his hands up defensively and said, “Hey, just sayin’. Kinda seems like it.”  
Alex glared at John with wide eyes.   
“Yo, Washington!” Jefferson shouted across the table. “You know what we should do?”  
“What would that be?”  
“We should have a party!” Jefferson said. “Hey I got me some friends who wanted to see me when I came home. Lemme go write them real quick!”  
He waved over a maid from the side of the room. “What’s your name sweetheart?”  
“Alice.”  
“Alice, be a lamb and get me some paper and pen,” he said.   
The majority of the people at the table were done eating, most of them, leaning back in their chairs, talking and sharing stories. When the maid, Alice, came back in with the stationary, Jefferson tossed the roll he had just taken a bite out of onto his empty plate, brushed the crumbs from his fingers, and pushed the plate away from him, taking the paper. He slapped it all onto the table in front of him, ignoring the crumbs and spills on the table cloth.   
“Thank you hon,” he said, tapping her butt as she turned and left. He started writing, but he laughed and looked up when he heard Lafayette say something about the queen. “Hey Laf, tell them about that time with the queen!”  
John looked over at Lafayette, seeing him turn red and roll his eyes. He looked down and chuckled, shaking his head.  
“Is so embarrassing,” said Lafayette, waving a hand. “Zat was so long ago. I was meeting ze queen for ze first time, it was at court, and I was jus’ approached ‘er when I tripped on ze rug, falling flat on my face! Right in front of her!”  
The table burst into laughter.  
“And she laughed at me!” he said.   
“She laughed at you?” said Alex.  
“Yes! She laughed at me! It was so embarrassing!” he said.   
“Man, I remember that,” Jefferson said, still writing. “She ain’t even tryin’ to hide it, she just points and laughs. Man, I felt for you.”  
“Of course, we were able to laugh about it soon after,” said Lafayette.   
Jefferson finished writing the last letter and sealed them all up.   
“How will you get those to your friends by tonight?” asked Washington.  
“Oh, it’s all good, I got birds,” said Jefferson, standing up. “Hey, someone come help with these. What’s your name?”  
Jefferson was pointing right at John. He stood up and dipped his head. “John Laurens.”  
“Laurens…Henry’s your daddy?”  
“I-yes,” said John, trying not to blush at the irony of the title which Jefferson didn’t realize he used. Especially used for someone such as his father.  
“Aw man, I haven’t seen that ‘ol wrinkled sack in ages! How’s he doin’ these days?” Jefferson asked. “And where the hell did you get those looks from? I don’t remember your folks havin’ all that! Anyway, when you see your pops, give ‘im a good slap on the back from me, will ya?”  
John huffed a laugh, but was not quick to agree to Jefferson’s request. He did not plan on seeing his father any time soon, or ever for that matter.  
“And Alice, you can come with us too,” Jefferson said, ruffling the maids hair on his way past her. John pushed in his chair. He looked at Alex and bounced his eyebrows before turning and following Jefferson out. 

There was snow on the ground outside and it was starting to get dark. John had grabbed a cloak for Alice and was laying it over her shoulders as they followed Jefferson to his carriages. Luckily, the path was salted and shoveled, because poor Alice was bare legged under her heels and short skirt of the French maid style dress she wore.   
They approached a carriage that was draped in canvas. Jefferson pulled the canvas away, revealing several caged compartments that held a variety of hawks, falcons, and owls.   
Jefferson handed them each a handful of letters. “Here, just hand these to the birds and they’ll take them.”  
John opened the first cage and let the hawk hop out onto his arm. He handed the letter to the bird, who grasped it with its talons and flew off. They all repeated this until all the letters and all the birds were gone.


	10. Chapter 10

No more than an hour later, people started to show up at the manor. People in elaborate dresses and suits, people who looked like they came straight from the jungles of Brazil, and everyone in between.  
Somehow, Jefferson had the staff of the house set up candles with colored screens around the house. There was a band who was setting up in one of the rooms. People were coming in with hors d’oeuvres and setting them up on tables.  
John and Alexander were standing off to the side of the foyer, watching the people arrive. Jefferson, Washington, and Lafayette greeted people as they came in. There was one woman who looked like she was trying to singlehandedly bring back the Marie Antoinette look to America. There was a group of people who came in after her who looked like Russian circus performers. Half of them walked in on their hands.  
John had yet to be bored watching the people coming in. How Jefferson and Lafayette possibly knew such a variety of people was beyond John, but it was anything but boring.  
The band eventually started up and the party picked up speed. Every room was crowded and one could hear the music throughout the house. John and Alex tried to stay together for most of it, but there was so much to do and to drink, they eventually got separated. At one point during the night, John found himself sitting around in a circle with a Spanish dignitary, one of the circus performers, an Amazonian woman who towered over all of them, and a dark haired man in a pinstriped suit and tiny glasses. They were all passing around a hollow gourd filled with some kind of alcohol. John thought he heard it called Ayahuasca, or something like that, but it didn’t matter now, because a fog was starting to roll into his mind, blocking out any coherent thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of trivia: Ayahuasca is an herb drug. a root. its very hallucinogenic. the author, William Burroughs was very interested in this drug and wrote most of his works while high on it.   
> Another bit of trivia: the man sitting around the circle in the suit and glasses, is William Burroughs.   
> Another bit of trivia: the story that Lafayette told at the dinner table about him tripping in front of the queen is a true story. (I cannot provide a source for this because I cannot remember where I read it)


	11. Chapter 11

King George was having a good ‘ol time! He danced with some prince from Arabia or something, pulled some pranks on James Madison with Alexander, snorted some coke with the woman who was dressed as Marie Antoinette, danced some more with that prince, and basically had the time of his life. He was just passing through the foyer with a tall glass of Hennassy, when there was a knock on the door. He opened it and stumbled back. He stared at the man on the other side of the threshold.  
“How did you know I was here?” asked King George.  
The man blushed and looked away, smiling. “I didn’t,” said Samuel Seabury. “I got the invitation from a man named Jefferson.”  
King George stepped out of the way as Samuel stepped inside. “Long time no see,” he said.   
Samuel blushed again and said, “Indeed. Perhaps you can show me around?”  
King George obliged, showing Samuel around the house, introducing him to everyone who was worth introducing to. They both drank and became drunker as the night went on, King George forgetting why he ever disliked the man to begin with.


	12. Chapter 12

Alexander was trying hard to not get too drunk or too high. It was difficult, but he was up for the challenge. He went from room to room, meeting lots of interesting people. He had lost John along the way, and was keeping an eye out for him as he went along.   
Martha was apparently a pretty hard partier. Alex had walked into a room where she had gathered a cheering crowd as she slammed shot after shot. And when she stood, her fists in the air, she didn’t even wobble.   
Alex kept going and found himself in a somewhat empty room, with only Jefferson and Washington. Maria Reynolds was there, sitting at the table, looking between the two men. Alex wasn’t sure what he had walked in on, but Jefferson looked shocked and Washington looked grim. Jefferson turned to look at Alex.   
“Ham, did you know about this?” he asked.   
“About what?”  
“That Washington here is a Pimp? He just got Maria into his…pimp squad.” he said. “And that dear old Martha is on the FFC?”  
“Oh…shit…Hey Maria,” Alex waved to her, then looked between the two. He nodded. “Yeah, I knew.”  
“What would you like to do with this information, Jefferson?” asked Washington. “I can’t let you talk about it, for the FFC will come after you. You are of course welcome to join…”  
“What?! Hell no!” said Jefferson, dragging out the ‘hell’. “This guy’s gon ask me to join, like I ain’t got better things to do than whore around…”  
“Isn’t that what you do anyway?” asked Alex, knowing that’s exactly what Jefferson did with his time.  
“Bitch, am I talkin’ to you?” he said, clapping his hands together. “Look man, I ain’t gonna talk or nothing, but don’t be askin’ me to join. I ain’t about that life.”  
Alexander stepped out of the room, knowing he was not meant to be a part of that conversation. Wow, he thought. What news! He couldn’t wait to tell John about this.   
But as he scoured the halls and rooms of the manor, he couldn’t seem to find John anywhere. He looked under every table, in every room, on every pile of empty bottles, under every hoop skirt, but he was nowhere to be found. Finally, Alex came upon a small lounge room, where there were people sitting around in a circle. Most of them were passed out, but some of them were humming or talking in tongues.   
And there was John, sitting in the circle, out cold. Alex rushed over to him and grabbed his shoulders. He shook him lightly, trying to wake him, but his eyes only fluttered and he started mumbling quietly. Alex looked around and saw the gourd sitting in someone’s lap. He reached over and grabbed it, sniffing the contents. He scrunched up his nose in disgust and put it back down.   
He wrapped John’s arm around his shoulders and lifted him up, his other arm around John’s waist. But as soon as Alex stood up, his head spun. He blinked rapidly until his vision cleared, and he tried to shake his head to clear the fog that started to cloud him over. What was in that gourd?! Alex put all of his energy into getting John out of that room and up the stairs.   
By the time he made it to the stairs, his head had cleared, thankfully. The trek up the stairs would be difficult. There were empty glasses rolling around on their sides, spills that Alex hoped was wine, party streamers. When they got to the top of the stairs, they made their way down the hall to their room. Alex could only hope that there wasn’t anyone in there.   
They finally got to their room, and luckily there wasn’t anyone in there. Well, there wasn’t anyone on their bed, but there were two or three people on the mattress on the floor on the other side of the room. Alex couldn’t tell who they were. He shuffled over to the bed, which was blessedly untouched, and laid John onto it, lifting his legs up as well.   
As Alex was trying his darndest to get John comfortably under the covers and propped on the pillows, John’s eyes fluttered open. Alex looked at him, but he looked past Alex, at something behind him, a sleepy smile stretching across his lips.   
“Alex, look behind you,” he said quietly and slowly. Alex looked behind him but didn’t see anything.   
“What’s behind me?” he asked.   
“She’s so beautiful…”  
“Who is it John?” asked Alex, continuing with tucking him in and looking for a chamber pot or something.   
“The girl with the antlers…Her hair looks like moonlight….” John was still smiling and he looked like he might shed some tears as well. Alex looked at him for a whole minute, John looking over Alex’s shoulder at “the girl with antlers”. He didn’t know what the hell was in that gourd, but his friend was in no condition to be left alone.   
Alex shirked all his clothes except for his undershirt, breeches, and stockings, then climbed into the bed beside John.   
Little did Alex know, he was in for quite the night...


	13. Chapter 13

John stood listening to the woman. She told him her name was Sweet. Her hair that looked like moonlight swirled and curled around her antlers. Behind her, there were colors, and some of the colors, John had never even seen before, and it was all so beautiful and bright and brilliant. And behind all of that, John could see his childhood home. It was not how he knew it used to be. It was shifting through the colors and the nearby pond was filled with stars. Sweet’s eyes were also filled with stars.   
“Go down the hill,” she said, her voice echoing everywhere. She pointed down the hill to the house. Light extended from her finger, and before John could stop himself, he was the light. He was surrounded by it. He glided over the pink and purple grass, through a cloud of fiery lightning bugs, and across the grey road up to the front door. The door was black and John did not want to open it, because his father would be on the other side.   
But he lifted his hand to the door, and his fingers extended and went through the door, which turned into water. He followed his fingers, afraid they might leave him, through the water door. On the other side, he didn’t have time to run. He was being beaten, and his sister was being beaten, and so were his brothers, and it was all at the same time and he couldn’t get out of the loop, so he waited until the light would come. He knew it would be any moment.   
He felt as though he would die if he had to endure one more second, but he survived that second, and that’s when the light came. It grew outwards from his father, shining through his skin and making him look pink and red. Then it got so bright that it enveloped everything in the warmth and for a moment, he thought he saw his mother’s face. It was so warm. John wanted to stay there in the light forever and sleep, but he wasn’t done yet, and he didn’t want to miss anything. So he stayed standing in the light.   
Soon, he saw light blue glow up ahead. He followed it and it grew brighter and he reached out and let the light extend from his fingers so he could touch it. He touched it and it was cool and soft and it immediately exploded into a burst of butterflies. They were all different colors and they multiplied and swarmed until the soft, fluttering hurricane wrapped him up in its embrace and then he felt himself moving. He let them fly him over fields of stars and clouds and then he was gliding along the grain of wood. He was flying right up against wood grain and he thought he would fall into it a few times, but he kept going faster and faster and faster…


	14. Chapter 14

John woke the next morning to sunlight in his eyes. He closed them again, blocking out the light. His head throbbed and spun. Oh god…how much did I drink last night- wait…He remembered that he didn’t drink…  
His journey began fitting itself into his memory, and soon, he remembered it like it was something he had just done a moment ago, which he supposed he did. He felt something warm next to him, so he cracked one eye open to look. Alex was snoring lightly into his shoulder, an arm draped over his stomach.   
His throat burned and his head was spinning uncomfortably, subsequently making his stomach clench. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to wait for it to settle down.

~~~~~~~~~~~

When John woke up again, it was still bright outside, but at least the sun wasn’t directly in his eyes. Alex was in the exact same position, still sound asleep. Which was nice, and warm, and John would have loved to stay there forever, watching him sleep, but his arm was starting to fall asleep, and he really needed to pee, and his throat still burned.   
When he got back to the room, Alex was still asleep. He took the moment to take in the state of the room. There was an empty bottle at the foot of the bed, some streamers by the door. Clothes were strewn about. There were three people snoring away on the cot under the window. After a closer inspection, he recognized King George, a handsome Arabic guy, and Samuel Seabury. He didn’t even know Samuel was at that party.   
Oh man…that party. He was pretty sure he missed most of it, but what he did remember from it, it was a total rager.   
What he really wanted to remember was that trip. He figured he would never forget it, but he still wanted to write it down. He needed to write it down. Everyone was still asleep and his stomach was settled down. He rushed over to the desk and pulled out an empty notebook from the drawer.   
As he was searching through the drawer wondering where the hell Alex kept his pen and ink, he started getting more frantic, desperate to write everything down, afraid it would all disappear from his memory. When he finally found it, he began writing. The first few pages, he filled with all the details of the trip. Everything that happened, even the stuff he didn’t want to remember. Then, after that, he wrote everything he thought about it; what it felt like, what it made him think of, what it all meant.   
He was writing furiously, his hand beginning to cramp up. He was writing until he felt arms circle his shoulders and someone lean against him.   
“What are you writing?” Alex asked.   
“Last night,” he said absently.   
“Ohh my god,” Alex groaned and stood up, pulling over a chair to sit beside John. “You were a mess last night. Do you remember anything?”  
“I remember everything. It was so much. I’ll let you read about it when I’m done,” said John.   
“No, I mean, do you remember anything from the party. I took you upstairs. You were shaking all night. You threw up like, three times.”  
John froze, the pen hovering over the paper. That explained his raw throat from this morning. “Aw, jeez,” he said, turning to face Ham. “I’m sorry you had to deal with all that. But if you had only seen what I saw! It was incredible! You can read about it in a minute, just hold on.”  
He finished up his thought, aware of Alex’s concerned gaze on him, and he put the pen down. He flipped back to the first page and shoved it into Alex’s chest. “Here. Read it.”  
He watched Alex’s face as he read John’s story. When he was done, he looked back up at John, his brows furrowed. He stayed silent for a long while, John searching his face for any response. Finally, Alex said, “Are you okay?”  
John sighed and rolled his eyes. “Yes! I’m fine.’’  
“What exactly did you take last night?” he asked.   
John shrugged.  
“Well, it sounds like you had quite the epiphanic experience,” said Alex. “That’s exciting.”  
“Yeah…” John sighed and sat back in his chair. They both stared at the notebook. A groan from by the window broke the silence. They both looked. King George was sat up between the two sleeping figures. John had to laugh at him; his eyes were squinting, his hair was a mess, a paper Burger King crown sat crooked on his head, and the blanket draped over his lap, covering his nudity.   
“What time is it?” he rasped out.  
Alex pulled a watch out of the pocket of the coat that was draped over the chair. “Almost noon.”  
King George nodded belatedly and laid back down. Alex and John looked at each other and laughed. “Let’s go get breakfast,” said John.


	15. Chapter 15

The downstairs was worse than anything John could have imagined. People lay passed out everywhere, among the bottles and glasses and spills that decorated the floor. Streamers and confetti were piled in the corners and there was broken glass here and there that John and Alex had to step around to avoid.   
When they arrived in the kitchen, there was only one other person there. Lafayette stood at the counter pouring coffee into a mug. He turned and looked only slightly better than King George had upstairs. His hair was sticking out every which way from his ponytail and he had red lipstick smeared across his cheek. John couldn’t tell if it was someone else’s lipstick or from Laf’s own lips. He took a slow sip from his mug, looking at them over his cup, before he spoke.   
“Bon matin,” he said, his voice rough.   
“Bon matin, Laf,” said Alex, passing him to retrieve two mugs for coffee. “So, Laf, I’m not sure if you know this already, but John doesn’t. I found out last night that Maria Reynolds joined us. Not only that, but Jefferson also found out about us. He’s not joining, but he agreed not to talk. I guess if you talk about this to try and expose everything, the FFC comes after you, or something.”  
Alex took a sip of his coffee.  
“What is zis FFC anyway?” asked Lafayette. He set his cup down, but winced at the sound it made against the counter.   
“I guess it’s a council for Pimp Lords,” said Alex. “And Martha’s on it. But that’s all I know. Also they’re really powerful.”  
“So what happens if Jefferson tries to expose us?” asked John, pouring a generous amount of sugar into his coffee.   
“FFC goes after him,” said Alex, shrugging. “I have no idea what they would do with him though.”  
A silence passed through. Lafayette was staring at the floor ahead of him. He let out a long breath and then said, “You guys want to go around and see ev’ryone?”   
They nodded in agreement.   
They navigated through the mess of the house and stopped to look at every person who was passed out in a ridiculous position, which was basically everyone. Martha Washington was passed out under a table, shot glasses surrounding her on the floor. The Amazonian woman John had seen the night before was slumped against the wall, a tiny man resting against her chest. The woman who was dressed as Marie Antoinette was snoring loudly, sitting up against a wall. Her giant hairdo had many bottles sticking out of it, and there were colored rings hanging off of those bottles.   
They found James Madison, asleep on a couch with his shirt open. Someone had drawn a moustache on his face, but not under his nose. On his cheek. He was also wearing a ton of Mardi Gras beads around his neck, calling attention to the lipstick stains that peppered his bare chest. And there was Jefferson, his head on Madison’s stomach, laying between his legs. His own legs were draped over the other side of the couch. He had a bottle in his hand, hanging off the side of the couch, and a puddle of rum on the ground there. He had flowers stuck haphazardly in his hair, and red lipstick stained his lips, smearing his cheeks and chin. On his forehead, someone had drawn a penis. He also had many Mardi Gras beads around his neck, but not as many as Madison.   
They passed by one person who was in a full suit of metal armor. The visor was down and their snoring was echoing around inside the suit, amplifying the sound. They stepped over Mulligan, who was wearing a blue dress that was way too small for him. There was a lady with bright red hair who was laying across him, wearing what looked like Mulligan’s suit.   
They ended their tour in the living room where Eliza, Angelica, and Maria Reynolds lay slumped against each other on the couch. There was a huge banner draped over their laps that said “Happy 65th Birthday!” in colorful letters.   
Just off of the living room, there was a knock at the front door. Alex left to go get it. John and Lafayette turned when they heard a shout at the door and something falling. A man in a neat suit came storming into the living room. He took in the entire room with wide, disgusted eyes. His eyes finally landed on Maria, still snoring on the couch.   
Alex stumbled into the room shortly after. “Sir, please-“  
The man held up a hand, cutting him off. “Where is he?” he asked. “Where is Washington?”  
The three men looked at each other, then back at the guy.   
“Who are you?” asked John.   
“Who am I?!” the man spun around to face John, approaching him with a dangerous look on his face. “I’m Mr. Reynolds. And I’m here for my wife.”  
“Ohhh shit…” all three of them groaned.


	16. Chapter 16

Mr. Reynolds approached his wife and shook her awake. She looked around, before letting out a shriek when she saw her husband. She put up her hands defensively but Mr. Reynolds grabbed a handful of her hair, pulling her to her feet.   
John, Alex, and Lafayette all started forward, ready to step in. Mr. Reynolds held up a hand at them, stopping them.   
“Maria, outside,” he said, shoving her towards the front door. And then to them, “Go find Washington and tell him to meet me out front.”  
Alex left to go find Washington, while John and Lafayette followed Reynolds outside. There was a bicycle in the fountain. The Greek statues were all dressed in theatre-like clothes. One was on its side in the grass. Over in the lawn, it looked like someone had built a huge bonfire, and at the center was a charred toilet, among the remains of dining chairs and other miscellaneous items.   
Their attention went back to the husband and wife when she shrieked. Reynolds had slapped her across the face, then forced her back on her feet by pulling her up by her hair.   
John wasn’t listening to what Reynolds was shouting in her face as he stormed over to them, Lafayette by his side. They pulled the two apart, John pulling Maria away as Lafayette took care of Mr. Reynolds. He shoved the man away from John and Maria. She was shaking.   
“Mr. Reynolds, lay one more hand on her…” shouted Washington, who was marching out of the house, past John and Maria, straight for Reynolds. Alexander followed him out, stopping by John and Maria.   
“What’s going on out here?” said Angelica, who was rushing out the door, over to them, Eliza following close behind. Angelica took Maria from John and wrapped her up in her arms.   
“Washington, you have no power over me,” Reynolds was saying, wearing a shit-eating grin and waggling his finger in Washington’s face. “You wanna know why?”  
When Washington didn’t answer, he continued. “I know all about your little whore house. I know all about you and your hoes.”  
“You will not make it past the gates if you plan on talking about it,” warned Washington.   
“Ah! But that’s where you’re wrong!” said Reynolds, starting to look more and more maniacal. “Because I already told the papers!”  
Everyone gasped. Reynolds had the smuggest grin on his face John had ever seen.


	17. Chapter 17

In Martha’s office, there was a large round table, which happened to have the exact amount of seats as there was people. At the head of the table (it was a circle, but there was still somehow a head) was Martha, and to her right was Washington. Directly across the table from Martha was Mr. Reynolds. Sitting around the table besides them were Alexander, John, Lafayette, Angelica, Maria, Eliza, Burr, Madison, Jefferson, and King George.   
“Now, the issue on the table,” Martha began. “Is that this motherfucker thinks he’s gonna get away with this. So what are we gonna do with you, little man?”  
She already had her hands on the table, ready to stand up if the situation called for such matters.   
He opened his mouth to say something but Martha cut him off again. “No, you don’t get to speak. You get to sit there and be fuckin’ quiet! I get to speak and you get to be quiet. Got it? Nod if you got it.”  
Reynolds nodded, clenching his jaw.   
“Now. What are we gonna do? You all know what we gotta do. We gotta send a letter to the FFC, and they are going to take care of you. Now, you, what’s your name?” Martha pointed at a maid, snapping her finger. “What’s your name dear?”  
“Alice,” she said, stepping forward and dipping her head.   
“Alice, honey, will you go get me some stationary, and a bird, please?” said Martha. Alice ran off to get the stuff and Martha turned back to the table. “Until they get here to take you away, we need to figure out a way to settle this mess you’ve caused. Does anyone have any ideas? Come on, don’t speak up all at once. Alright, seriously, if you people don’t start giving ideas, imma pick randomly.”  
Alexander raised his hand.  
“Alright go,” said Martha.  
“What if I wrote about an affair, confessing to it as to cover up for this?” he said. “We could call it the Reynolds Pamphlet, and it can discuss my having an affair with Maria, and how Mr. Reynolds found out and blew it out of proportion.”  
Martha stroked her chin, looking thoughtful. Alice came back with the stationary and Martha thanked her and began writing.   
“That’s never going to work, you stupid fuck-“ Reynolds began, leeringly, but Martha cut him off.  
“Hey! I thought I told you to shut the hell up!” Martha snapped. “That was a very good idea, Hamilton. And you will publish it?”  
“Yes.”  
“That’s good. Did anyone else have any ideas? No? Okay, Ham, get writing. I trust you to make it good. You are excused,” she said, waving her hand in his direction. “The rest of you, start cleaning up the house. I don’t want it looking a mess when the FFC gets here.”


	18. Chapter 18

That night, the FFC convened in a meeting at the FFC headquarters in New York. John and Alexander were invited to come along to see the meeting. The meeting took place in a cavernous room with silver walls. There was a long table in the center where everyone was seated at. At the head of the table, sitting at a silver throne of big metal stars, was Pimp Empress Kara the Great. She wore a huge fur cloak made of chinchilla fur that spread around her on the floor and an elegant silver crown.   
Sitting around the rest of the table was the rest of the council. John recognized almost all of them. There was Martha Washington, of course, sitting next to Kara. John tried and failed to hide his surprise at seeing Peggy Schuyler sitting at the table. There was Queen Cleopatra, Voldemort, Vitas, the famous Russian pop opera artist, Betsy Ross, Nicki Minaj, and Matt, who was wearing a coat made of caterpillar fur.   
John and Alex were sitting away from the table, watching everyone take their seats and chat amongst themselves. Kara cleared her throat, the sound echoing through the room, and everyone quieted down.   
“Now, let’s discuss the issue on Mr. Reynolds,” she said. The doors opened and two men came in holding Mr. Reynolds between them. He was in shackles. He was brought to the other head of the table and made to stand there.   
“So. Let’s get this over with. So basically, you tried to expose our organization and bring us down just because of some petty argument with your wife,” said Kara. “And now, Alexander Hamilton over here is covering up your mess. What we need to do now is think of a punishment. Anyone have any suggestions?”  
Matt’s hand shot up in the air. “I have one!”  
“Go ahead.”  
“Can we please do the pit?” he begged. “Please!”  
The table erupted in nodding heads and agreements.   
“I don’t know…” said Kara.  
“Oh my god, please!” said Matt, standing up from his seat.  
“Alright, everyone quiet down, quiet down,” said Kara. Everyone went silent and sat. “We can do the pit-“  
“Yesss!”  
“But! Only if you all behave at our next council meeting. No more nagging. And no more coffee spills in the break room. You all are slobs,” she said, pointing to everyone. Everyone nodded their acceptance. “Alright. Let’s go do the pit.”  
The men took Mr. Reynolds out of the room first. Then everyone filed out of the room, following Kara. They followed her through some halls and down some stairs until they found themselves walking through underground, rocky, tunnels. They walked until they came upon a large, circular room. Everyone spread out around the railings, which surrounded a large pit in the center of the room.  
John could hardly believe his eyes, looking over the railing into the pit. It descended several feet, until the pit met dark water. John could see something ominous moving under the water.   
“Let the punishment begin!” said Kara. Directly above the pit, the ceiling opened up and a platform lowered down, stopping right above the opening of the pit. In the center of the platform, Mr. Reynolds was tied with his arms above his head, hooked to a clasp above him. He had a gag in his mouth and his eyes were darting around frantically.   
“Mr. Reynolds!” Kara called out. “You are being punished for…well, we don’t leave witnesses, so you have to die. It’s just the rules. Alright, go ahead. Let him go.”  
The clasp holding his arms up unhooked. At the same time, the floor of the small platform he was on opened up. Reynolds fell straight down into the pit. Before he even hit the water, a dark creature rose out of the black waves and swallowed the man whole in its enormous maw. Then it slowly slinked back down into the water.   
John stared into the pit with his mouth hanging open, his eyes wide. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He looked to Alex beside him, only to find much the same expression of his friend’s face.   
“Alright!” said Kara, clapping her hands. “Thanks for meeting today everyone. And I want you all to thank Alexander Hamilton on your way out for covering up for us. Thank you Ham.”  
Everyone started walking out, thanking Alex on the way out. Alex had a hard time responding to them though because he was still trying to get over his shock. So was John.


	19. Chapter 19

Back at the manor, everyone was still living there together. Maria Reynolds had joined them and was now happily living there. Jefferson still didn’t want to join, but Lafayette had a plan to change that. And now that everything was settling down, he figured it would be a good time to put this plan into action.   
Alex had published the Reynolds Pamphlet and of course it blew up in the press. But it covered up the truth which was all that mattered.   
John wasn’t sure what Lafayette’s plan was exactly, but he was interested in what would happen. When he had told Lafayette to try and get Jefferson to join the other day, Lafayette seemed to already be on it. But that day, Lafayette and Madison had taken Jefferson out on the town. It was almost dinner time and they were not yet back.   
Everyone was in the dining room, ready to be served, when the doors burst opened and Jefferson walked in, followed by Lafayette and Madison. They all took their seats at the table.   
Lafayette cleared his throat. “Jefferson ‘as somezing to say to ev’ryone.”  
Everyone directed their attention to Jefferson, who stood up and said, “I’ve been thinking, and my two dear friends convinced me pretty well, and I think I’ve decided to become one of your hoes…Daddy.”  
Everyone at the table applauded and Washington stood up and came around the table to meet Jefferson. They hugged and Washington said, “Welcome Jefferson. We’re very glad to have you.”  
After that, the family celebrated that night, happy to have two new members.   
And everyone lived happily ever after.

**Author's Note:**

> Go follow me on tumblr at grandpabasket.tumblr.com  
> that's where I'll post the illustrations for this story when they're done


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